Unless our body, mind and spirit feel supported, deep healing can be delayed or unattainable.
On the road of life I've learned a few things. One essential fact for me about healing deep emotional trauma, that only through unconditional support, love and compassion from others can true core healing be attained.
Why you ask? What's so important about unconditional support? It's essential to our human connection. Our deepest desire at our root, is that we will come into this world and feel safe and supported without having to constantly give something back in return. That's what unconditional support is. Receiving love and compassion, without having to do the dance of, 'if I do this for you, then you will do this for me'. That's exhausting and unhelpful for healing trauma.
When our core body, mind and soul have been wounded so deeply by trauma we need help. The one thing we learn though is that asking for help isn't easy. We tend to freeze and sometimes become hyper independent. We've got this, we can do it alone, we don't need anyone, we've been taking care of ourselves for a long time. Is this working though? Are you still swimming against the tide, repeating the same behavior patterns and circling back to the same place? Exhausted, tired and feeling like crap?
We need at least that one person, that one soul, that asks nothing of us. That sits with our pain, despair, sadness and doesn't try to manage and fix us. This person can become our refuge, allowing our innate healing to emerge by just listening to our story, sitting by our side as we cry, or yell, or mourn. They don't judge, they don't should us, they don't take sides. They see us, they hear us. They open their arms and hearts so we can walk to the center of our despair.
Healing to me at this stage of my life looks like this:
Unconditional love, support and compassion allows me to go deeper into my healing, where I can enter the cave of my heart alone with myself and Divine source (or whatever name you use for this). It is in the depth of this place that no other can really come, we need to be here within ourselves, to feel, to see, to allow the unfamiliar and familiar emotions to arise, to be washed and cleansed and released with our permission. In this 'dark night of our soul' we can face the fears that bind us, we can utter to the Divine our true heart words that are ours alone.
Don't bypass the uncomfortable emotions
Unconditional support also gives us permission to not bypass the uncomfortable emotions that arise during the healing process. Society, culture, family of origin, religion, etc. have a tendency to want us to put a "lid" on our anger, frustration, disappointment, resentment, disgust. They aren't acceptable because these emotions make others feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure about you, but most of my deeper lessons I've learned have come from the most uncomfortable times in my life. Yes, I have had joys and good times that gave me new perspective, but my anger has motivated me more times to change, grow and move out of my comfort zone.
If you are working through some old wounds are you giving yourself permission to be mad, sad, angry and frustrated? If you aren't do you know why? Do you feel ashamed about being mad? Do you make excuses for others that have hurt you? Meaning, you say to yourself, well they were going through a hard time, they didn't have it easy. If you give people that hurt you a free pass, you disrespect yourself. You are human, your emotions are your own. If anger wasn't a thing, we wouldn't need to feel it. It is a thing and most helpful to our growth.
It's ok to be the different one in your family, it's ok to think different! It's key to change, and yes change is uncomfortable, but every baby I've ever watched learn to crawl or walk had to be uncomfortable and frustrated. It's how we learn new things. What's your fear of change? Are you afraid if you change too much, others won't approve, that you will make others mad, you won't be accepted and be outcast?
Use your bravery and courage to reach out and find your unconditional person to help support you. If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of the same repetitive, unhealthy patterns in your life, it's time to get some support and feel better in your body, mind and spirit.
If you have a question about this post or need some guidance, please reach out. I'd love to help you find some tools and resources to support your path of healing.